Are You a Leader Champion?
Meet a composite of people we’ve all probably met, perhaps even when looking in the mirror. Let’s call him Andy.
Andy is a good guy. His heart is in the right place. He seems to love people and seems to genuinely love encouraging others at every opportunity. With all his good intentions and encouraging comments, one behavior marks his personality. He talks too much, too long at any one time, and he interrupts others to comment the moment he gets the gist of what they are saying. It is incredibly annoying. Not just to me, but to many.
So, here is the question: Is Andy simply unaware of his behavior? In over 30 years of holding management positions in some successful organizations has no one ever provided him feedback to let him know that he would help himself and others to spend more time listening without interruption? Or has he been told but has not deemed the feedback significant enough to change? Or perhaps was making the change too difficult for him? Regardless, today Andy appears oblivious to this annoying behavior.
What is the extent of the consequences of Andy’s overly talkative, interruptive behavior? I do not know but can guess. Some people probably avoid him. Others undoubtedly tune him out because their ability to listen cannot match his seemingly endless ability to talk and/or interrupt. I’d also guess that he has lost some great opportunities because of this one behavior.
If leadership effectiveness (clearly supported by research) depends on a person’s ability to gain control over themselves– their mind, emotions, biases, and actions – how effective can a leader be for any length of time if they fail to continually increase their level of self-awareness, requisite to growth and change, and commit to act on what they learn?
Tennis champ Billie Jean King understood the power of awareness. She said,
“… self-awareness is probably the most important thing towards being a champion.”
Champions in any field are continuously increasing their self-awareness essential for growth.
To avoid becoming an “Unaware Andy,” maybe it is time to check up on yourself. Are you on a path of continuously increasing your self-awareness? If not, perhaps it is time to take a more proactive approach by reaching out to your boss, teammates, or others with whom you work (or live), and ask them three Start, Stop, Continue Feedback questions:
• “What should I start doing that I am not currently doing that would make me more effective in my role? A more approachable person? A more valuable teammate? A more helpful spouse?” You pick the question that will get you what you need for heightened self-awareness in one specific area where you would like to improve. When you ask for this feedback, be sure to also ask them how it will be a positive move. It is always good to know how a particular behavior will make a positive impact
- “What am I currently doing that is not useful or helpful to you? The team? The organization? The family?” Be sure to explore this a bit to find out why what you are currently doing is not helpful or effective.
- “What am I currently doing that I should keep doing and why?” Once again, it is important to know the positive difference a behavior is having on you, others, or the organization.
Asking for feedback is one thing. Receiving it is another.
Below are some guidelines to follow when receiving the gift of feedback.
1) Be genuine in asking for feedback that will help you grow your effectiveness. When your motives are sincere, the person you ask will know it and be more inclined to give the honest feedback you request.
2) Put your own agenda “on the shelf. Avoid getting defensive or resisting their feedback. Listen carefully to what they tell you. If they do not share their reasons, get curious. Explore with open-ended questions. Honor their input by taking a genuine interest in their reasons for saying what they do. Actively listen to their responses to your questions.
3) Ask for an example. Depending on the feedback you requested, you might follow up their response with something like, “What does that look like?” or “Where/when do you see me doing that?” “How does that make you feel when I do (or don’t) do that?”
4) Summarize what they have told you to let them know what you understand.
5) Thank them for their gift of feedback.
6) Ask them periodically for feedback on the new behavior (or the elimination of something they recommended you stop doing).
Finally, be sure to make a commitment to change.
Track a new behavior. For example, if Andy were to be given feedback to actively listen to others’ complete messages before interrupting with a premature response, he might decide to track his behavior by using a simple index card. On one side he would write a YES and on the other side a NO.
After every conversation, he would give himself a check mark ( 
) on the YES side of the card for the number of times he listened. And a check mark ( 
) on the NO side for times he did not.
At the end of the day, he could tally both his positive and negative results. What gets tracked gets our attention. What you attend to, you do.
If you truly want to become a more effective leader (or friend, spouse, or parent, etc.)?
- Ask for Start, Stop, and Continue Feedback.
- Be a gracious receiver.
- Commit
- Act.
- Track.
- Get more feedback.
As Ken Blanchard says, “Feedback is the breakfast of champions!”
———————————————————-
“Andy” was created to illustrate a common behavior we have probably all witnessed or, perhaps, have been guilty of ourselves. But it is just one of many behaviors that can get in the way of effectiveness and our ability to live out our full potential.
If you are in a leadership position and have had the sense that it is time for you to grow in some significant way, and want to go deeper than the Start, Stop, Continue questions for feedback but would like some help and support to take you to that next level, then contact me. You can do that in one of three ways:
1) Go to my website: https://maryjanemapes.com and fill out the contact form and hit submit. I’ll get in touch with you.
2) Call me at 269-720-6398 and, if necessary, leave a message and I will contact you.
3) Go to Calendly calendar and make an appointment. https://calendly.com/maryjane-mapes/30-minute-exploration-meeting
Let’s chat. At the least, you will receive some insight and, at the most, we may discover a way forward for you together.
© All rights reserved. Mary Jane Mapes
